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No dating during codependency recovery

Each time you try out new behavior or take a risk, you learn something new about yourself and your feelings and needs.

You need and depend upon others and therefore give and compromise in relationships.

Instead of abstinence, you learn to detach and not control, people-please, or obsess about others. If you’re involved with an abuser or addict or grew up as the child of one, you may be afraid to displease your partner, and it can require great courage to break that pattern of conceding our power to someone else. It’s said that denial is the hallmark of addiction.

Most people aren’t aware of their internal voices that push and criticize them – their “Pusher,” “Perfectionist,” and “Critic.” To help you, I wrote a handy ebook, Healing essentially involves self-acceptance. People come to therapy to change themselves, not realizing that the work is about accepting themselves. New ideas and energy emerge that previously were stagnated from self-blame and fighting reality.

Ironically, before you can change, you have to accept the situation. For example, when you feel sad, lonely, or guilty, instead of making yourself feel worse, you have self-compassion, soothe yourself, and take steps to feel better.

You may have heard the term thrown around quite a bit, but what does it really mean?

Some people use it to refer to needy people who can’t stand to be alone. Or family members who can’t seem to stay out of your business, even after you’ve gotten your life back together.This builds upon itself in a positive feedback loop vs. Becoming assertive is a learning process and is perhaps the most powerful tool in recovery. You get to be the author of your life – what you’ll do and not do and how people will treat you.the downward spiral of codependency, which creates more fear, depression, and low self-esteem. Assertiveness requires that you know yourself and risk making that public. Because being assertive is so fundamental to recovery, I wrote lays out a detailed recovery plan with self-discovery exercises, tips, and daily reminders. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself on your journey.Abstinence or sobriety is necessary to recover from codependency.The goal is to bring your attention back to yourself, to have an internal, rather than external, “locus of control.” This means that your actions are primarily motivated by your values, needs, and feelings, not someone else’s. Perfect abstinence or sobriety isn’t necessary for progress, and it’s impossible with respect to codependency with people.While not all codependent relationships revolve around addiction, the two frequently go hand in hand.Codependent relationships may be between romantic partners, parents and their children or grandchildren, siblings and even friends.As they say, “What you resist, persists.” In recovery, more about yourself is revealed that requires acceptance, and life itself presents limitations and losses to accept. Self-acceptance means that you don’t have to please everyone for fear that they won’t like you.You honor your needs and unpleasant feelings and are forgiving of yourself and others.It is a relationship problem; however, the relationship that’s the problem is not with someone else, but the relationship with yourself, and that is what gets reflected in your relationships with others. The core symptom of “dependency” manifests as reliance on a person, substance, or process (i.e, activity, such as gambling or sex addiction).Instead of having a healthy relationship with yourself, you make something or someone else more important.

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