XXX Chats

Fein married for the second time in 2008; she had followed The Rules to attract her second husband, with the exception that they dated for three years rather than one (as “The Rules” advises) before becoming engaged.

And an explanation for why seemingly good matches fall apart or never come to fruition.

Perplexed by her own dating struggles, Birch dug into research and spoke to about 100 men and women about why it’s so hard to find the relationship they desire.

Proponents of the methods offered in the book point to The Rules as having positive results for both men and women.

They represent the point of view that men enjoy being the aggressor and are inspired to treat women better who choose behaviors which set up boundaries and slow down the courtship process.

Feminist values, they point out, do not preclude reacting with temperance and emotional independence to an initial attraction (on the part of a woman).

They also cite that discipline and consideration inform the actions which create egalitarian relationships. In 2001 the follow-up book The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work was released in the midst of Fein's legal separation from her husband to whom she had been married for sixteen years.For years my single girlfriends and I have been told by the men we date: You’re everything I’m looking for, but I just don’t feel it.Or: You’re great, but I’m just not ready for a relationship.But when it came time to close that distance and men had to interact with these women face-to-face, they started to lose interest. I would get on dates where a guy would be so excited about the date, we’d have intellectual sparring and then we’d get there and it started to be a competition.I’ve had guys get into one-upping matches with me on dates. Why do men have trouble committing to women who seem to be the whole package, or as you call them: the End Goal?There’s a lot of survey data that said men were really into these smart career women.But I looked around at who was struggling with dating, and they tended to be that type.Birch and I spoke about her book last week; the following interview has been edited for clarity and length.How did you decide that this was the question you wanted to interrogate?Women who are “End Goals” are those who really have their lives together; it might be the partnership that these men ultimately want, but they’re just not there yet, so they can’t commit.I wanted to reassure women that if they were having these problems, not to get a complex about it.

Comments Book dating for women