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For years my single girlfriends and I have been told by the men we date: You’re everything I’m looking for, but I just don’t feel it.
Or: You’re great, but I’m just not ready for a relationship.
Proponents of the methods offered in the book point to The Rules as having positive results for both men and women.
Feminist values, they point out, do not preclude reacting with temperance and emotional independence to an initial attraction (on the part of a woman).
They also cite that discipline and consideration inform the actions which create egalitarian relationships. In 2001 the follow-up book The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work was released in the midst of Fein's legal separation from her husband to whom she had been married for sixteen years.
She does more than blame online dating’s flakiness and an abundance of choice — which singles have been living through and reading about for years.
Rather, Birch finds an explanation in the enduring pressure men feel to be providers, even in an era when, in about a third of married or cohabiting couples, women bring in half or more of the household’s earnings.
Advocates also elucidate that a woman making herself easily available to men may increase her chances of being unconsciously or unscrupulously taken advantage of or abused.
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By applying a deliberate approach to relationships, Rules champions suggest, a woman has the time and space to discover and reflect upon the character and actions of a man she is dating.
The book was followed by The Rules II, The Rules for Marriage, The Rules for Online Dating, and All the Rules. Fein commented on her divorce by saying that she had "married the right man" for her at that stage in her life.
In The Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By, published in 1997, Fein and Schneider proclaim, "If he doesn't call, he's not that interested. Her argument was that after having written a best seller and raising two children, she and her husband discovered they were two different people from the young couple that fell in love.
Fein married for the second time in 2008; she had followed The Rules to attract her second husband, with the exception that they dated for three years rather than one (as “The Rules” advises) before becoming engaged.
is about why smart, successful independent women — the type of women men profess to want — have trouble finding steady relationships.