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"I was a virgin till I was 22," I whispered at my 18 year old second cousin a few weeks ago, accosting her with information that, not only had she not asked for, but had absolutely nothing to do with the general conversation in progress. I have tried, repeatedly, to defend her and her team, and to get her to engage with my team and others to talk through the changes she is making, the reasoning behind them and how we will work together in future.

I put make up on the other day - a thick line of liquid eye liner, carefully applied. And I wanted to explain to her the beauty, the heaven, the precious gift she had of living pain free. When their partner irritates them for the fifth time in one day, they don't wonder about that other guy from 1991. Her team is under a lot of pressure and people are complaining about them.

They drive and defend their car choice to each other, experience their cars breaking down, etc.

Finally, she came to our meeting 20 minutes late yesterday and she just wasn't getting that we need to talk this stuff through. He was very controlling (hence my issues with authority - don't get me near any sexist military men unless you want to see fur fly), and I guess he did his best, but he wasn't the most approachable man.

Well, because of various things, I am having to step up these days.

I can't climb up on his lap and be embraced, held and just know that he'll take care of everything.

He isn't here to fight for me, advise me, protect me.

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